this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
