Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
