omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
