i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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