I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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