now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
