This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize