Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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