walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize