so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
