can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
