Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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