Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
