So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so let's talk penis.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
