forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
