I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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