My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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