I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
