Me too!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
