It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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