just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
