I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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