There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You don't make any sense
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