What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
