it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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