I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
