Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have aggressive nipples.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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