Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
