Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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