did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
