I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
This house was built for laser tag.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
