Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
