I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
