So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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