GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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