So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
