Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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