Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
