i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
