Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
