FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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