im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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