I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
