So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
