We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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