I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
