I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
