I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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