Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
