weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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