You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
