what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
