I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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