what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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