imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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