Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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