I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
