I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
