fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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