Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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