I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
