I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
