wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
