He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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