just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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