Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They should really pass out barf bags in church
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
