im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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