Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
