My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
