her vagine was all disorganized.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
