I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
