i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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