When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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