No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
