Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
