Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
