I wish I could teleport
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
