I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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